I would like for you to meet two young women who live in our communities.  These two women are representative of women everywhere.  We have all either went to elementary, high school, college, grew up in the same neighborhood, worked with or even went to church with someone just like these young women.

A Day in the Life of Tameka

“Here we go again, this n@!$*’s cell phone been going off since we got here.  I bet that’s his girl, even though he said he didn’t have one.”  Tameka thinks to herself.  “All men are liars.”  “What chu mean you gotta go?” Tameka asks.  “But. “she starts to say.  “But nothin, I gotta go.”  He said.  “Well, when are we gonna hook up again?” she asks.  “I’m sure I’ll see you around, deuces.” 

Just then, Tameka’s cell phone rings.  “What up though?” she answers, “Is you still busy?”  asks her friend Janae.  “Naw gurl, that n@!$*, he left already,” Tameka pauses.  “Janae, I’m so done with these tired men who don’t know how to treat a real woman.  I know I rocked his world! And he come at me like I’m some h@!$*.  You know, from now on, I’m only out for mine.  If you don’t have the benjies, you aint getting any, feel me!”  Tameka laughs.  “Anyway, what club we gonna hit tonight?  I’m so ready to get my drink on.  Wait a minute gurl, hold on.” “D@!$*!” Tameka says, getting back on the phone.  “What is it?” asks Janae.  That m@!$* done stole my smoke!”  Tameka answers.  “Gurl, let me go, I only got 3 hours to get some sleep before I have to be at work and I still have to take these b@!$*ds to my mother’s house.”  ‘Hit me late, Janae says as Tameka hangs up the phone.

Tameka lies across her bed, as the tears begin to flow.  “I’m so tired of being by myself.  What am I doing wrong?  What’s so bad about me?”

A Day in the Life of Kelly

Kelly looks out her office window to the street below.  She watches as everyday people go about their busy lives.  “Looks like it might rain tonight,” she thinks, as she looks toward the evening sky.  A knock at her door interrupts her thoughts.  “Come in, “she says.  Turning she sees the company’s COO (chief operating officer) standing in the doorway.  “What’s up Mark?” she asks.  “Well, I’ve been looking at your case load stats from the past thirty days and I’ve noticed that you’ve been maintaining a higher percentage of open cases than usual, is everything ok?” asks Mark.  “Oh yes, Mark, I’m good, I’ve been fighting off a nasty head cold, slowed me down a little, but it’s better now.  Next month’s report should reflect so,” answers Kelly, “If you need anything let me know,” says Mark as he leaves her office.

Her phone rings, “Thank you for calling H & M Insurance Co, Kelly speaking, how may I assist you?” “Hey baby, how are things? You sound tired, is everything okay?” “Hi mama, says Kelly.  “Everything is just fine.  It’s been a long week and I’m glad it’s Friday.  How is everybody?” asks Kelly.  “Well, Vanessa wanted me to see if we’re still having lunch tomorrow, little Jordan wants you to come to his next peewee football game, and Sis. Johnson wanted me to be sure and tell you how much she really enjoyed your solo at church last Sunday,” says Kelly’ mom.  “Thanks mama, and yes lunch is still on, and no, I haven’t forgotten about Jordan’ game.  Got to run mama, love you.” Kelly says.  “You too baby” says her mom as Kelly hangs up the phone.

“Well girl.”  Kelly thinks to herself.  “Ms. Assist VP, time to go home.   I am so glad it’s Friday.”  I’m going to go home, take a dip in the pool, have a glass of wine, and surf the internet.  Let’s see what’s going on in the world of virtual reality.”

What do we see about this woman Tameka


  • Single Mother
  • Promiscuous
  • Low self-esteem
  • Self-medicating
  • Angry, sad, looking outwardly for love


Discussion:  What do we see about this woman Kelly?


  • Professional Career
  • Attends Church
  • Strong family network
  • Keeping up appearances

What if I told you the following?

That while Tameka, who openly sleeps around, and to her, that is alright, that’s her prerogative.

That Kelly, in the privacy of her home, surfs the internet for pornography, and travels to clubs outside the city to satisfy her sexual appetite.

Or, while Tameka smokes marijuana and drinks daily,

Kelly has enough prescriptions in her medicine cabinet to open a pharmacy, from anti-depressants, to anxiety, pain medication, etc.


Discussion:  What do we see now, about these two women?


  • Similar experiences with different resources and coping skills?
  • Abused?
  • Does economics matter?

Question:  Is it possible that there is something that these two women have in common?

What if Tameka’s behavior

The sleeping around, the drugs and alcohol are symptoms

And Kelly’s behavior

Internet porn, cruising bars, prescription drugs are also symptoms

Furthermore, that these symptoms or these behaviors come from the same root or cause.

Both women were

  • Molested as a child by a family member or
  • Raped as a young woman by an abusive ex-boyfriend or
  • Raised in a family with either an absent, abusive, or addicted parent, or all the above.

Trauma manifest differently in every individual.